The Y-factor's take on feminism

If you're a guy like me, you probably haven't yet realized that March is Women's Month. That's no to say that we're dim-witted when it comes to current affairs; it's jut that keeping track of our own activities is hard enough.

As members of the non-female gender, making sure we're up to date on women's events remains a very low priority. I'd venture to say I have just about as much knowledge of women's affairs as a state legislator has about how we can revive Hawaii's economy.

However, since I am required by Ka Leo to produce something o honor this auspicious occasion, I thought I'd explore my feelings about this special time of year.

First off, I don't understand why there would be such a thing as Women's Month. I can understand why there would be a focus on Black History, since there seems to be a lack of respect for those of African ancestry in parts of the United States. Not only that, but we as a nation have oppressed such minorities since Jamestown, our first settlement, in 1619 [well, 1617].

However, seeing that women comprise 51 percent of the population, men therefore constitute a minority. We don't have a Haole history month, despite the large percentage of whites in the United States, so I don't think we should have a Women's Month. Although one could definitely argue that most history in the western world is seen through the lens of the white male experience, I believe that when people push equality, it should truly be equitable.

When I asked my friend Jen why she thought there is a month devoted to being conscious of women, she said, "Because being a woman is something to celebrate." I can see that.

What other class or group of people could use pre-menstrual syndrome as a defense in court? I'd presume to say none. Who else is allowed to react as violently when we affirm the question, "Do I look fat?"

Being a woman certainly is something to celebrate when it means you get to bludgeon the male minority with wild emotionalism on a monthly basis. Although I never have gone through the PMS ordeal directly, I have had girlfriends who have, and in my opinion that's just as bad.

Some women hate men for the discrimination this biological function shows, saying they suffer while men have it easy. Well sure, we men don't have to experience PMS personally, but we have to deal with the women who do. It's either that or date only women over 50, and I'd much prefer the former.

Relative to the liabilities, femininity has a lot of benefits. Privileges to sexual relationships remain in the woman's control. Men, if they wish to engage in relations, must stay alert at all times.

A certain look or vocal tone can arouse a mean. Heck, for Garth Algar (Wayne's World) it was climbing a rope in gym class. In high school, when hormones flow totally out of control, it can happen in as bizarre a situation as sitting in history class. These weaknesses are often exploited by the female majority, as seen in the type of "industries" Waikiki harbors.

Even though waiting for someone to propose can be a harrow time for a woman, a least she'll never suffer the fate of the rejected boyfriend. Can you imagine the disappointment the guy faces after picking out a ring only to find out the answer is "no"? Thank goodness for return policies.

As fashion styles has evolved throughout this century, it has become acceptable for women to wear not only dresses, but pants and skirts as well. The only liberalizations men's fashions hve seen are the freedom to wear a tie that reaches our belts (not line in the twenties) and the option of a hat.

Whereas women have a much wider variety clothing options, including license to dress "retro," men must stick to the traditional motifs of dark colors if we're to e respected. Not that I yearn for the heyday of polyester and polka dots, but sometimes it's nice to have that option.

Yes, women certainly do have something to celebrate. They don't have to deal with prostate cancer, circumcision, or the draft. They get maternity leave on the job and usually custody after the divorce. As if all that wasn't enough, women get a longer life expectancy and a greater immunity from genetic diseases.

On top of that, women get to bug men about the injustice of childbirth and how they don't understand and never will. Women get women's intuition and more scholarships, even though they comprise, at least at UH, around 54 percent of the student body.

So, as you go about your business this month, bear in mind all the things there are to celebrate this month. If you're a woman, appreciate the fact you'll never again have to submit to the constraints of a male-dominated world.

If you're a guy, well, I think the best you can do is take whatever money you have left over from Valentine's Day and buy yourself a half-gallon of your favorite ice cream. If you rally want to be offensive you can eat it in front of the women's studies department at Porteus Hall, displaying your higher metabolism in full view of those with a higher body fat composition.

That's the benefit of being a guy.