B.A. in Guy's Studies:

Predicated on statistics and scientific improvisation

Without a doubt, University of Hawai`i President Kenmore Mortineth had the right idea when he suggested a Guy's Studies major to complement our Women's Studies program. Considering the importance of Title IX in athletics, it seems only appropriate to have gender equality in academics, too.

However, before we proceed with the development, a few things need to be ironed out.

First, we'll have to create a whole new department for it. Although we could award a Bachelor's in liberal studies (like women's studies), that just won't do justice to the subject.

For its level of international importance, we'll have to establish new courses and determine prerequisites for each. Requirements for majors, minors, certificates and graduate degrees will have to be determines as well.

Like Women's Studies, however, Guy's Studies will have to rely on multiple departments for many of its classes. Until it develops its own course curriculum, we will (in typical guy fashion) have to make do with what we have:

AMST 412: The Football Experience
From its beginnings in the late 1800s to the sophistry of modern day Superbowl commercials, the full history of football will be discussed in depth. The effects of instant replay on the game will be examined, as well as growing market power of what is known as the "armchair quarterback."

MATH 331: Figuring Sports Statistics
From the simple Batting Average to baseball's more difficult "Save" formula, students will gain experience in figuring the full range of sports statistics.

The course is divided by sport, with the nation's pastimes emphasized. Many sports like basketball and hockey will also receive considerable attention.

COM 450: Question Avoidance
Essential to any relationship, question avoidance is undoubtedly one of a guy's greatest defense mechanisms.

Lack of communication, the need to protect one's own ego, and the inability to deal with deep issues have all helped in creating the true definition of "guy." For this reason, question avoidance is one of the core requirements in the Guys Studies degree.

GEOG 423: Navigating by Instinct
According to a number of studies, one of the most humiliating experiences guys have endures is having to turn the car (or carriage, or horse, or wheel) around on an important date.

With this in mind, a course on navigation has been included as an elective. Subject matter includes sun orientation, use of mental maps, and the Age of Exploration favorite: deal reckoning.

ENG 395: Monosyllabic Vocabular and Grammar
Proper use of grunts is a fundamental aspect of inter-guy communication, particularly as corporations and cultures extend beyond national borders. The ability to express oneself with masculine authority in male bonding situations is, therefore, an important skill.

Other courses being developed include BIOL 420(L): Beer Bonging; MICR 491: Refrigerator Microbiology and Botany; SOC 450: The Effects of Canned Foods and the Microwave; and ENGR 301: Introduction to Duct Tape.