Millennium means mergers

The wave of the future includes further service insanity

With the turning of the century at our doorsteps, perhaps the most anticipated changes of the next millennium involve the way service (the foundation of the present U.S. economy) are to be rendered to the people.

Over the past 1,000 years, we have seen the invention of every kind of machine (save perhaps the potter's wheel), and have witnessed the creation of countless other inventions.

We have developed the sciences, areas of study based on methodical observation and conclusion, as well as the arts, having learned to utilize all three dimensions into our works.

This has truly been a testament to man's power and his ability to improve his environment. Yet as the pace of life quickens, keeping time with the light-speed advancement of global communication, the upcoming decades will probably overshadow all previous human accomplishments.

This was the vision I received while watching NASCAR racing on television this past weekend.

Just like MASA was the vehicle for expanding the technology sector these past forty years, NASCAR racing will be the driving force for the service industry in the next few years.

As I watched the pit crews changing tires with split second efficiency and refueling care through high-flow nozzles (to maximize the number of gallons per second), I realize that services in the United States could be radically changed for the better by imitating these professionals.

The future of auto maintenance is this: an elite NASCAR team at Jiffy Lube schedules your 1983 Toyota Tercel for a 2:43 p.m. maintenance session on Tuesday. This includes a tire rotation, oil change, and a high speed, precision inspection of all fluids, all while you're still in the car.

The oil is drained by a super high-powered, instantaneous method, rather than through the normal vacuum hose. Then new oil is pumped through a high pressure nozzle that fits perfectly to you '83 Tercel's engine block.

Forty seconds later, bam! They close your hood, "$31.29 please, exact change only," and you're out in less than a minute! Pretty cool idea, huh?

The trend of the future will be to minimize time spent running useless errands through the packaging of certain functions together. We've already seen the grocery store/bank combination, two industries with very little to do with each other except that they tend to deal with the same people on a weekly or biweekly basis.

You may think it ludicrous, but this kind of revolutionized service could alter extend to other areas of the economy. Services like fast food and education would undoubtedly be at the top of the list for college-age consumers.

Kenneth Mortimer, being the visionary that he is, ahs already hit upon this idea By combining the School of Public Health with the School of Medicine, he combines the services of two previously separate institutions into one, saving UH lots of money by sacrificing the Public Health Department's accreditation.

I fully expect to see his cost-cutting strategy at work in the College of Arts and Sciences in the near future. Being the largest cost center of all the UH colleges, it is ripe for some serious budget cuts. And if the four-year trend toward specialization in "what UH does best" continues, I'd say we can expect to see the entire Arts half get cut within the next five years.

To the graduates of 2010, I say this" resign yourselves to the preplanned, highly efficient marine biology degree from the College of Sciences.

It's my prediction it'll be the only thing left.