虎母道 A question of sacrifice

On January 8, the Wall Street Journal published a story by Yale professor Amy Chua about her book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. It caused a controversy because of its title, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior," (although she didn't come up with it), but it's also opened up a wider debate about how we as Americans raise our kids. The January 31st issue of Time picked up the story.

Part of its controversiality stems from the insecurity many Americans now face with regard to China. China's been successfully developing its economy for the past two or three decades, while we've seen bubble after bubble over the last ten years. We're very much in the same position as we were in 1980 vis a vis Japan, with a couple differences: China has a different political system, and there are four times as many of them as us.

The WSJ story was shocking for me because it questioned many of the "truths" we as Americans believe about raising kids. We tend to *encourage* children to success. The "Tiger Mom Way" (and that's what the Chinese characters in the title mean) is to demand success, knowing that success (and yes, praise) is its own reward.

At its heart, though, I think we Americans are so defensive about this because the "Way of the Tiger Mom" demands sacrifice on the parents. Chua didn't *want* to be the bad guy. She acted that way so that her daughters would be first successful, second confident in that success, and third truly ready to compete in the real world.

Chua dedicated thousands of hours to help her kids get ready. Her children's success will be directly attributed to her.

Americans, for the most part, aren't willing to do this. It's all too easy to plunk your kid down in front of the TV and then go off and do whatever you want than sit down and TRAIN them for the future (I know firsthand). the immediacies of life trump its big picture.

It's the same kind of thing I see with regard to the military. Despite the opportunities available to huge segments of the population, only about 1% of the nation is in the military, and for most it's a hereditary thing. College education, job skills, promotions, regular pay increases -- the long term stuff -- aren't worth sacrificing three years.

The Philadelphia mayor had some comment about us being football wussies while the Chinese would have been walking through the snow while doing calculus. That's an exagerration (students wouldn't have been allowed to attend a game if there was homework ot be done). But the point remains that for children to be successful, parents have got to make them work at it.

How many people have ever wished they had watched more TV as a kid, versus learned a foreign language or to play an instrument? Those things *require* parent involvement. If Chua went to an extreme, she knows it. She never said her way was perfect.

Yet her children speak for her. Now, as young adults, they are about to go out into the world as highly capable, skilled individuals with their own ambitions. Was it worth it?

Time will tell.