Good dads -- an issue of choice

Meredith Gordon wrote an interesting piece in MSN's Family Relationships section back in June. (I found out about it only recently because of the online news algorithms).

In "Don't Tell Me How Lucky I Am to Have a Good Husband," she argues that good husbands are not matters of luck or accident -- they are products of choice and commitment.

Everybody makes a choice in who they will marry. As I used to explain when I was in command of an Army company, "How you meet your spouse will probably be how other people meet your spouse." If you meet your wife at church (like I did), that sets the tone for your relationship. The principle holds true if you go looking for love in those kinds of spots that inevitably surround military bases.

So if you're deployed, you shouldn't be surprised if your spouse continues the same behaviors they did before you were married.

A shared level of commitment also contributes to a good relationship. As Gordon puts it, a man "is a good husband or father because he wants to be and because his partner requires that of him." It's a question of expectations, and -- in any relationship -- that takes work.

Lots of work, if my own experience is any guide.

So if you're tempted to think a guy is a great husband or father because he's picking up his kids from school, doing laundry, or watching the kids while the mother's busy, consider this -- it's probably because the choices each person has made the commitment each one has to making things work. Gordon is right -- that's not luck.