Missing deployment

Because of my wife's illness, I wasn't able to deploy with my unit. I feel kind of guilty about this -- not that it was my fault, but while I'm still here, taking care of my family, my guys are off in another country risking their lives.

In the beginning, I was really out of sorts because I was so focused on deploying that the last minute change in plans really threw me off. I had arranged everything I could think of for SY's planned trip to Korea and my own six-month absence, so not leaving left me in a lurch.

I sent out all the birthday presents that would be due through the end of the year, ate all the stuff in the refrigerator, suspended my phone line, sent out our holiday greeting cards, got a back up drive for my computer, used up all my lunch coupons, finished all the home repairs, and arranged for lawn & garden care. I got everything ready for my wife and said goodbye to everyone at church.

All that changed in a day.

By now, though, I'm pretty well settled in. My schedule is fairly predictable now that I'm watching the kids during the evening. I wake up with the kids at 7:30 to feed them and change diapers. Every other day I give them baths before I leave them with somebody, be it Child & Youth Services on post or with friends of ours. Those few days when SY was in the regular care ward, I would take them to visit her, something which she really looked forward to (or, to avoid ending the sentence with a preposition, "something to which she really looked forward").

After that, I bring them home for naps, followed by dinner and some TV time. I then put them to sleep at 9:00 and spend the rest of my evening studying.

I'm also trying to make the best of things outside the house. On Veteran's Day, I snuck away from the hospital at around midnight to visit Applebees and get my free dinner (I got the steak). Even though I ordered a couple of drinks, the gift card I bought last year still had enough to cover the difference. That made me feel pretty smart.

Now that the Cowboys have are winning, I'm free to take advantage of Papa John's victory specials. This is cool not because I like the Cowboys -- but because you can get an XL pizza with as many toppings as the Cowboys score touchdowns for $8.99.

Yet there's still a gnawing consciousness in the back of my mind that I'm here on borrowed time, that I'm not pulling enough of my own weight. I wouldn't have guessed it, but I kind of miss deployment.