Don't toss that

When you know slang words in other dialects of English, some things are unintentionally funny.
[Source]

"A pirate's life for me"

Someone opened a school for pirates here in Germany.

Have some dignity!

Through I suppose if I were a garbage can, I'd have self-esteem issues, too.

The least stroke of a pen...

I guess this is a dating website in Germany, but everytime I see it I think it says "Parsnip."

But no -- very different. The German word for parnsnip is "Pastinake."

Well, I guess that's done.

You know the holidays are over when the nutmeg, vanilla, cinnamon, and pumpkin filling are on sale.

I'm not sure I want to eat this.

There's something kind of sadistic about this yogurt.

Wiesbaen aromatherapy

Situated as it is on a series of hot springs, Wiesbaden's rain drainage system literally steams in cool weather.
Some joker (not me) had the bright idea to leave an orange rind right in the middle of this manhole cover.

This, then, is aromatherapy, Wiesbaden style.

Open door manually

The front door to my office building had this sign.

It's worrisome that some people need to be told to use their hands. I suppose it'd be worse, though, if someone needed to use a manual.

I know what you did

I saw this while I was getting my COVID booster. And I thought to myself:
I know what you did. Papyrus font. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!

Concert

Middle school band concert tonight.

We go way back

And then there are those who know him from Parenthood.

We are not the same.

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister...

Thank goodness we don't have that Microsoft paperclip anymore.

I can just imagine it saying, "It looks like you're trying to be funny. Would you like help?"

Soup Swap

Great idea, but why bother with the show?
Just do it yourself, and you can have both friends AND soup.

The problem with Utopia

6000+ comments, mostly saying things like "Yeah! Great idea!" Not many pointing out it's been tried before. It hasn't always worked like they thought it would (e.g. the Oneida Community).

But hey, go for it.
Maybe it'll be different when *you* try it.

Waiting for system failure

The problem is "for" being used as "because."
外国人来华工作许可系统故障请对心等待.

Because of the stoppage (故障) in the work permit (工作许可) system (系统) for foreigners coming to work in China ( 外国人来华工作), please wait patiently (请对心等待).

GOAT = Greatest Of ALL TIME

You can't have a "GOAT of his era." That's like having a "World Champion, but only in this one nation."

And no -- other sports cant do this either.

Gott sei Dank es ist Freytag

This is Gustav Freytag, famous for having coined the saying in German, "Thank God it's Friday." He was really self-centered.

The general's filter

Bad news.

The Council of Kernals says your proposal needs more work before they'll submit it to the General.

-how my nightmares play out these days

Interpretation at the lowest understanding

Bertrand Russell explains why I can't relay messages from my wife. "She ... uh ... she said 'hi'."

GMO watermelon

You can tell this is an American watermelon. If it was European, it'd have watermelon in it.