Confidence deficit

I was reading this article called Suddenly Single about how successful women are having trouble in relationships where the levels of education differ. It talks about how guys tend to get weirded out by the difference in success and education, and how women should handle it.

I can see how it's a problem. I looked at some stats from the Census Bureau. Check these out.


Women comprise 55 percent of those with bachelor's degrees or higher; 45 percent are men. (7.7 millions vs. 6.4 million) That 10 percent difference means that there are 1.3 million women out there (17.5% of the 7.7 million) who won't be able to find a guy with a bachelor's degree in their age group. That's over one out of every six women aged 20 to 34.

And even for those that do find a guy with a bachelor's degree, they'll probably have more years of experience in the workforce because they graduated earlier. As the glass ceilings come down, that means women getting promoted faster than men.

In the 20 to 24 age group, women outnumber men three to two. As men mature (or finish a tour in the military), the ratio shrinks to 6:5 and then to 9:8, but for any point, women will be more likely to have had more experience in the work force, more chances at promotion, and be in more of a position to go after an advanced degree.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing for guys, since there are plenty of opportunities for us in the military, construction, sales, entrepreneurship, etc. where you don't really need to spend four years and $100,000 on a degree. However, for men and women who believe the guy should have the higher income AND be equally educated, this might be a problem.

Guys are in a tough spot. In an increasingly complicated world, this generation of guys has gotten less support in how to tackle it. We feel the desire for adventure in our hearts, but feel we're expectated to settle down and be stable. We perceive our contribution to a family as "the breadwinner," but see how women are getting more qualified at that, too. It's easy to feel we're non-essential personnel in today's society.

I find confidence in the ways I complement my fiancee. She doesn't know how to cook, but I do. I'm also good with kids, and have a talent for planning. She's 4 years older than me, but I bear in mind she's just a woman -- nothing to be afraid of -- and that helps. Though I don't always feel I measure up to the 35 criteria she set for her boyfriend-to-be, I know I'm good enough.

Granted, not every man can do everything equally well, but I believe we can fix the confidence deficit in modern men by realizing that modern women are still just women. And we men are what they need.