Judgment Day - Center of Mass

In the Army, the opinion of one's senior rater (boss's boss) matters more than your immediate boss, and the evaluations you get in your "key developmental" position are among the most critical you can get.

Today I got my "senior rater evaluation counseling," for my first year in command. I was a bit disappointed -- middle third, center of mass, and no enumeration. It's disappointing because I'm a competitive person (even if I'm not always good at the competitions) and like most people I tend to think I'm better than average.

At first I was a bit angry because I never really understood what my brigade commander was looking at. It seems I wasted my time doing things like volunteering, professional development classes, and recognizing KATUSA soldiers. And he never provided his support form, never published any sort of evaluation rubric, and never set any expectations. Plus, as an HHC commander, there's a "higher level of difficulty" than in most companies, and many areas that I have little influence on.

Of course, these are excuses -- as I've learned recently, the Army doesn't care if you have a hard job or an easy one. If you've only ever done what you waited to be told to do, you've merely "met expectations," not exceeded them.

In the end, the assessment was both fair and accurate given the whole year for which I was evaluated. I'll get another one when I exit command, and now that I have a better idea how things work, I think I'll do better.

Plus, my reason for wanting to do well was to control my future assignments. If it doesn't affect the career I want to pursue (Foreign Area Officer), then it's not a big deal anyway. And what's the worst thing that can happen? Even if I get selected in the next Officer Selection Board, that's got benefits to it, too (about a 9 months of salary as severance pay).

In the end, I've reconciled myself to the fact that I'm not a great leader. Then again, I never assumed I would be -- I remember coming in knowing that I'd do better as a staff officer than as a commander. My time in command has merely confirmed that.

Besides, God has a way of working things out for the best -- even if the Army kicks me out, it won't be for an ethical or moral lapse, and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to find a good use for the skill set I've acquired since then.